Fight. Hope. Pray.

I did the right thing. I did the right thing. Forget you, depression! Forget you annoying listless pain that has me crumpled. FORGET YOU! I did the right thing! I saw the verses, I remembered the lessons I'd already learned, and I acted the way I believed I should. I shouldn't feel like I'm dying! Proverbs 19:2- Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way. 1 Corinthians 10:13- No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of excape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7- Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. IT does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. I'm sure of next to nothing right now, except that my God is good, and that He has ordained my path. I know that I'm hurting right now- I'm upset that both paths hurt. The path where you give in and run towards the thing you want, and the one where you step back and say you need time. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both and be one traveler, long I stood and looked down one as far as I could to where it bent in the undergrowth. Then took the other as just as fair and having perhaps the better claim because it was grassy and wanted wear though as for that the passing there had worn them really about the same." This does not have to be so dramatic. I just can't live through the same kind of thing as those last months of high school again. My soul can't survive that kind of disobedience and pain again. I wish that some decisions were more clear-cut, more obvious. I wish I wasn't second-guessing myself. I wish I were a stronger, wiser, better, person.
What's sad is that I am more of all of those things since the last time I came up against this. God has brought me so far- and I've heard righteousness is it's own reward, but I don't think of myself, ever, as righteous. Right now I feel sick. I don't want to do anything, except sprint- feel the perfect rolling stride across the pavement, taking me further and further from problems, but that isn't an real solution. That's just running away.
And I'm not about running away. I'm not about rushing in where angels fear to tread. I'm going to stand my ground and fight.
And hope. Pray I did the right thing.