What About Romans?

Reckless. What does that even mean? Where does it come from? Old English, apparently. Given to unthinking boldness. That sounds just about perfect. I just want to go out into the darkness, walk any direction. Just me and my Chucks against the pavement, striding to who knows where and getting there by the second. Let last night's soundtrack play in my mind as I pace out the new dimensions of my world. I do not want it to be small. I don't have all the answers I want. I will not plunge headlong into this without guidance. I will not run towards something that could hurt me, or someone else, as badly as I know that it could. I remember that pain. I remember drowning in it, as someone would in mud- not even able to struggle to regain some measure of light or the faintest taste of sunshiney air. I remember that place. I also remember the One who took me from it, cleaned off the evidence of my mistakes, and showed me how to breathe again. How to fight again. I will not run back to that place.
Even though this one seems different. This one feels... cautious. Has the warmth of kindness. Might actually like me for who I am, not what I possess. But, I can't tell for sure. How could I? AH! Insert scream of frustration, which was actually more like a sigh. Who cares about encircling arms, beautiful hands and eyes, soft and affectionate whispers? Who cares about feeling protected by a human being? I can lie to myself and say that none of that matters, but it would still be a lie.

Cautious. What does that word even mean? Prudently watchful in the face of danger or risk; the exercise of forethought usually prompted by fear of danger. Wow. Forethought. Romans. I should have known!