Suffocating and Lost

It's suffocating.
The problems I cause tumbling down on me,
or rather gathering together in my lungs-
I cannot breathe.
I cry and gasp a little-
bury my face in my pillow some more,
except there isn't really a pillow there,
it's just air.
A sob escapes just as the wind blows across my face
takes it away from me as soon as it's emitted.
I'm lost.
The decisions I've made leading me to this place
or rather things I decided not to decide still are a decison made
I cannot find my way.
My head whips around, searching,
the maze of this tall-grassed field,
except there isn't really grass here
it's just open space.
I'm suffocating on oxygen and I'm lost in free space.

Only because I walked away from my life Source.
Only because I'm a fall with a disease called sin.
It takes the form of pride, of bad decisions, of fear.
And I allow it to slay me when I don' t trust my God to be my everything.
I'm in a battle and I'm pretending that I'm safe.
What could possibly be more dangerous?

God, help me to see that I need to be close to You.
I need to worship You because You are worthy of all praise;
and because it's what I was made for.